I'm being bullied - what can I do?
The first step is to tell someone. People who bully want you to keep quiet about it. They might try to scare, shame or threaten you to keep quiet. When you tell someone what’s happening, you take away some of this power and help to make it stop. Telling someone also gives you access to support.
Tell a trusted adult, like a teacher, school counsellor, parent or carer, or other support person what’s happening. They can help you to report the behaviour and support you while it is being sorted out.
Strategies to try
If you feel safe to do so, there are some strategies you can try to stop the bullying yourself.
- Stay calm. What the person bullying wants is a reaction from you, so the best thing you can do is to try not to react. Count slowly to ten and take a few slow deep breaths.
- Don’t retaliate. If you retaliate it ‘rewards’ the bullying with a reaction from you. It could also lead to you getting hurt or getting in trouble yourself.
- Try ignoring the bullying. The first few times it happens, or if it only happens occasionally, a good strategy is to ignore it. Don’t react. Turn your back and walk away (if that feels safe).
- Act unimpressed, like you don’t care what they say or do. You could say 'okay, whatever' and turn away, or even walk away.
- Turn it back on them. This can help reframe the behaviour from being ‘about you’ to their focus on you. For example, saying something like ‘Why are you so obsessed with me? You just keep trying to get my attention. It’s weird.’
- Use humour. This makes it seem like they’re not getting to you and doesn’t give them the result they want: you upset. ‘That’s your insult? I give it a 5/10. Low on originality. Keep practicing.’
- Ask your friends to speak up for you. (And remember to do the same for them.) If it happens regularly, let your friends, and others, know that you’d appreciate them speaking up next time it happens When people intervene, the bullying is more likely to stop.
- Ask for support. If people don’t step up, ask them to publicly, when this happens people are more likely to step in. ‘Hey, Evie, help me out here.’
- Keep a record. Write down when and where the bullying happens. This will make it easier to report the bullying later. It can be hard to remember details, especially when feeling upset
- Tell someone what’s happening. Report the behaviour to a trusted teacher, or other trusted adult.
Remember, the sooner you report the bullying and seek help, the sooner things can change.
You can read about cyberbullying and what to do about it here.
How to cope when the bullying is still happening
Even after the bullying has been reported, it can take time to stop – especially if it’s been going on for a while. Sometimes it can even get a bit worse before it finally stops (as the person bullying tries extra hard to get a reaction).
This can feel really tough to deal with, but there are things you can do to help you cope and protect your wellbeing while the bullying is still happening.
- Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself you’re doing the best you can in a hard situation.
- Remember that it won’t be like this forever. Even though it can take time to address the bullying, people will work hard to support you and keep you safe. The bullying won’t last forever. Many people have been through it and recovered, and you can too. Things do get better.
- Remember that the bullying is not your fault. You’re not alone and people are working to help make things better. You are not the problem. The person bullying is doing it for their own personal reasons.
- Seek help from trusted adults when you need it. Talk to them about what’s happening and make a plan of who you can go to when things are tough, such as a favourite teacher, a parent or carer, or another support person.
- Spend time with friends and people who help you feel good about yourself. If the problem is coming from your friendship group, focus on making new friends who appreciate you for who you are.
- Make time to do things you love. Spend time on things that make you feel good, like sport, music, movies, reading, exercise, art, activities with friends or family or pets, clubs or social groups, or games nights. If the bullying is online, make sure to give yourself a break from it. Get off the screen and do something offline that makes you feel good.
- Get professional support. Bullying is really tough. It can affect your confidence, wellbeing and mental health. You shouldn’t have to manage it on your own. There are professionals trained to help people through this who can support you.
Get help
You don’t have to deal with bullying alone. There is support available to you.
