Strategies for dealing with being bullied

Bullying can be incredibly distressing to experience and can have a lasting impact on children and young people’s wellbeing – affecting their confidence, academic performance and mental health. Bullying is about power imbalances, and children and young people often feel powerless when faced with it. But they are not powerless. They can take action to deal with the bullying, such as telling a trusted adult, trying some techniques to stop the bullying themselves and using positive coping strategies to get back a sense of agency.

Tell someone

The best advice for dealing with bullying is to tell someone.

Children and young people who bully others gain power if no one speaks up, because it allows the bullying to stay hidden. But when their behaviour is challenged by people with authority, such as teachers or other adults, they lose that sense of power. This is why it’s important to tell someone what is happening.

Reporting the behaviour to the school is a good early step. All schools are required to have policies and procedures in place to address bullying because every child has the right to be safe at school.¹

Face-to-face bullying

Some strategies for dealing with face-to-face bullying

• Use a firm voice to tell the person who is bullying to stop. 
• Respond in a neutral, uninterested way. This makes the bullying less rewarding, as people who bully are often looking for a reaction and want to see who they are bullying get upset, argue or show fear. For example, when responding to bullying, a student could:
  • try to act unimpressed and avoid reacting in a way that gives the other person power
  • use neutral words like ‘maybe’ or ‘that’s what you think’
  • use body language to show they’re not interested, like turning their back on the other person (if it’s safe to do so) or turning away so they’re unable to make eye contact.
• Don’t hit back or retaliate. Retaliation is a reaction, which rewards bullying behaviours, young people who retaliate could get hurt or escalate the situation.
• Write down when and where the bullying happens to keep a record. This will make it easier to report the bullying later. It can be hard to remember details, especially when feeling upset.

Visit the Responding to cyberbullying page for specific strategies for dealing with cyberbullying and information on how to report it.

What if these strategies don’t work?

If the behaviour continues, the best plan is to tell the school what is happening. The Reporting bullying section guides you through the next steps you can take.

Bullying is incredibly distressing but there are effective ways to address it. Help is available.

Positive coping strategies can also reduce the risk of children and young people continuing to be bullied and positively influence their long-term outcomes.⁴

Positive coping strategies can include:

• self-compassion
• challenging unhelpful thinking
• seeking help from adults
• seeking mental health support
• seeking the support of friends
• doing enjoyable things that are not connected to the bullying
• using technology features to mute, screenshot, block, delete and report to reduce the ongoing stress as much as possible.